I sat looking at this photo for a little while, trying to identify what I was feeling. There is something there but I can’t quite put a finger on it. What is this ‘feeling that I’m feeling?’ I remember walking towards this gentleman and thought “This could make a great photo.” I could make the shot work. I was looking at the opportunity to get a photo that could arouse some feeling or emotion.
I can’t quite remember the difference between feelings and emotions. Do you know? I think I read somewhere that emotions are short-lived while feelings can have a longer lasting effect, and I can’t remember if emotions try to make sense of what we feel or vice versa. I think one of them has to do with experiences and is subjective….I dunno, something like that. It’s like my brain, one big muddled mass!
Anyway, back to photo. I thought maybe the guy is pouring his heart into the song, feeling every strum, knitted brows showing the pain of that major seventh chord. I thought, maybe he’s frowning because he missed the note, maybe he’s playing in the wrong key or he’s forgotten the next progression. Maybe he’s sick to death of sitting in the one spot trying to make some bread. Perhaps he’s thinking where his next location is going to be. He’s probably frowning because he’s pissed off that these bloody photographers are taking photos of him and not dropping any money. Maybe he’s not feeling anything. He’s just doing what he needs to do, what he wants to do.
As for me, I don’t know what I feel. At the time, I felt excitement at getting the shot. Now looking at it, I don’t know. How should I feel? What has the world told me to feel? Have you ever tried to convince yourself that you are not feeling what you’re actually feeling? Have you tried to force another emotion in the hope that it will override the current one?Do you feel guilty sometimes for not feeling how you are ‘supposed’ to feel? Do you lie about your feelings so someone else can have the feelings you want them to have? Why do we play with our feelings? Why do we play with other people’s feelings? Why are we trying to avoid or deny these feelings? Has anyone counted the number of times I’ve typed the word feeling(s) yet? I may very well be talking about emotions…I don’t know…hopefully you’ll understand what I’m talking about.
Have we become desensitised? Have we been taught not to express, or to suppress certain emotions? I sometimes wonder if we can’t define our emotions because we have never been taught how to accept them. We have never been taught that feelings change, that it’s okay to feel, that feelings and emotions are what makes us human. Instead we have been taught what not to feel, what is acceptable and how to fake what we feel. Sad isn’t it? Probably explains why there’s a new wave of mindfulness sweeping the world now. This centuries old school of thought/way of life has suddenly become hip. Let’s hope that those of us who decide to delve into this ‘new’ way of thinking/being is open and patient enough to accept what comes with it. The way I see it is just live. Learn to live with these feelings and emotions. Learn to accept them and if you find them difficult, remember they’re temporary and will pass. You feel me?
One love 🙂