I know but…

Ok I’m really starting to p*** myself off! This indecisiveness and fear of change is like a bloody curse! What is it about me that prevents me from making a spontaneous move? I always have to be so calculating. I always have to plan. I always have to have a contingency. There’s always the ‘what if’ bug eating away at every idea I have or every move I want to make. I always have to justify everything. There’s always the ‘yeah but’ and the ‘I know but’….this flippin’Β BUT!!!! Why do I have to psych myself up for a few days before I go ahead and do anything? Buy anything? I suppose the silver lining in all this is that when I do eventually make a decision, I stick to it come hell or high water!

Growing up I was always given responsibility. It was drilled in me how important it was to be prepared and organised. This began from quite a young age. I wonder if that’s the reason for me not liking to take risks, to be spontaneous, adventurous. To throw caution to the wind and say, “Just bloody do it!” I’m scared of failure. I hate the thought of letting myself or somebody else down.

If I could find a way to get rid of that part of me, I think I’d be a changed man! There have been times where I have been spontaneous and what a rush! It’s like going on a roller coaster shaking like a leaf and then shouting “Again…AGAIN!!” when the ride’s finished. Then the guilt starts to set in…Was that really necessary? Did I have to spend that much money?

I silently envy people who just do it! Know what I mean? Who just say, “Whatever happens happens, YOLO!” How do I get out of this trap? Ok ranting finished. Goodnight. One love.

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7 thoughts on “I know but…

  1. Reasoning has always been apart of the human psychy. From early times man has been reasoning why are things the way they are or function as such. Interestingly, it is out of reasoning we come to conclusions and are able to presuppose what if things go awire? I myself have always queestioned my impulsed buying or thinking I need something then I dtop n ask myself is it a need or a want? If I determined that its a want then ill sometimes backup but if I’m too anxious ill just say to hell I work hard let
    Me treat myself . Nothing is wrong with questioning and justifying why proceed with the intention. A wise person always takes caution by thinking of contingent plans take for example the first plane flight, they wanted to fly n the risk was we may fall if we run out of power to the engine so as time passes we improve on airplanes putting in additional backup fuel, emergency landing procedures, floatation rafts in the event of landing in water. This is just one of many instances that support the reasoning behind decision making and justifying appropriateness. I have been doing self conversations speaking with the other me and I have taken some risks but at the sametime I added the whatif factor.

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  2. You are who you are……I think this part of you makes you who you are, and though its frustrating for you, I wouldnt change how you are for the world. Youre one in a million, and im privileged to have you in my life……..now give yourself a break! Xxxx

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  3. Sounds like you’re just human to me πŸ™‚ as far as I know most of us have those fears (fear of change), some get over it, some don’t. Those fears are there to protect you. So as long as you are happy there’s no problem. If you want to change or lose the fears maybe you can by taking baby steps. For example go over your boundaries on a regular basis.

    Like me: today I had to speak for a crowd, I am so shy so that’s not something I’m good at. I know this and notice how every time I speak for a crowd my nerves get smaller and smaller. It’s just practice… If I continue to do this, who knows I could become good at it.

    I don’t know if this tip can work for you? But it might…

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