I refuse!!!

I feel like death warmed up! I had a pretty bad attack of hayfever last night which left me today feeling like I’m sitting in God’s waiting room! This is my favourite time of year but also the time of year I get plagued with this bloody hayfever! I was as much use to my daughter today as a chocolate kettle! She made me a lovely get well soon card and was so attentive that my spirits were instantly lifted…she also gave me some good advice in her card about drinking lots of water! Not bad advice coming from a six year old! I love her so much it hurts!

Anyway, my lack of sleep last night due to trying to rub my nose off my face, scratching my eyes out of their sockets and nearly swallowing my tongue trying to scratch the roof of my mouth, not only left me in a bit of pain but quite dejected as well. Why is it that when we get ill we start feeling so sorry for ourselves that we let our physical illness bleed into our mental and emotional well being? Suddenly I found myself thinking that my life has no meaning, there’s no point being here, nobody wants me, blah blah blah. This is quite ironic as only 3 days ago I had such a refreshing revelation and been given new hope. I was ready to grab life by the bollocks and squeeze hard. Today I felt like life had meย by the gonads! This is how I felt…

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I found myself beginning to feel more sorry for myselfย due to the lethargy and pain brought about by my medication and involuntary self harm. But then, almost like a slap in the face, I suddenly thought “get a grip mate!” had a shower and started looking at some quotes that I keep on my phone to read when I want a positive ‘fix’. Having read them and took even more medication, I’m feeling better. Thought it’d be a good idea to share some of them with you.

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I refuse to let this feeling of unworthiness and uselessness consume me. I refuse to lie down and let people, circumstances and situations suck the life and desire to be happy out of me. I refuse to let illness keep me down and lure me into a downward spiral of self pity. So come at me! Bring it! Show me what you’ve got! Because every time you hit me, every time you knock me down, I’m going to stand up, brush myself off, look you straight in the eyes and ask, “Is that all you’ve got?” Screw you life, you’re not beating me that easily….I refuse!!! One love.

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11 thoughts on “I refuse!!!

    • Not a pleasant thing…I suffer pretty badly. I’m glad you got something from my post. Thank you. Any developments with the house? ๐Ÿ™‚

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      • I will sign the paperwork on Thursday ๐Ÿ™‚ one negative thing: I can only move in (do the rest of the paperwork) in November… So I’ll have lots of time to prepare myself. It has something to do with regulations and the seller, not me ๐Ÿ™‚ but hey: summer in my house isn’t too bad ๐Ÿ™‚ and moving in November will help me to not get a winter depression ๐Ÿ™‚ with so many things on my hands.

        Thank you for asking btw ๐Ÿ™‚

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      • That’s great news! I’m very happy for you. Don’t see waiting til Nov as a negative. Gives you time to do the necessary preparations. The time will pass quicker than you expect. Good luck. ๐Ÿ™‚

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  1. Wow, this got to me in a big way – Thank you, Damo, for your brutal honesty and for sharing such deep, personal truths. I wasn’t expecting to be moved when I came to check out your page , but . . . This really spoke to me. In fact, it opened the floodgates . . . .

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    • I’m really hoping I moved you in a positive way, and I’m glad my page threw you an unexpected surprise ๐Ÿ˜‰ . I think it’s good to share our experiences and feelings at times because we never know whose life we can change when they read it. I think it provides comfort to those who are/have experiencing/ed the same. Thanks for stopping by. One love. ๐Ÿ™‚

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