But what?? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Are you apologising or are you just continuing to point out my shortcomings? Are you truly sorry? Has anyone experienced this? Do you remember having to apologise for something when you believe you were innocent? Better yet, have you ever had to apologise to someone just to keep the peace, to keep your job, to still be a part of the social circle? How it burned you to the pits of your soul because you know you were in the right?
How many of us have out of frustration said things we could’ve probably said a bit more diplomatically or sugar coated a bit, that we’ve had to turn around the following day and eat humble pie and apologise for? I have. But why should I have to sugar coat the truth? If you’ve pissed me off, you’ve pissed me off…end of! Why should I have to think of a nice way to tell you that you’re an irritating, selfish, arrogant, self-indulging p***k?! At least that way you won’t get any mixed messages and you’ll know exactly how I feel!
On the other hand, how many of us have genuinely made a mistake or a wrong move and having realised what we’ve done, apologised to the relevant party/parties only to have it thrown back in our faces and become public enemy number one? What is an apology? It means that we’ve acknowledged that we’ve done wrong and we want to make ammends for it no? So why the ‘but’? It’s like someone saying “I’m sorry you went through that but I told you so.” “I’m really sorry I punched you in the face but you shouldn’t have said that.” “I’m sorry I betrayed you but I’m not a bad person.” Isn’t the ‘but’ a contradiction?
Are we able to truly apologise to someone? Are we truly able to forgive and wipe the slate clean? Some of us can. I find it hard sometimes, and that’s the honest truth. I can apologise without reservation and whether or not you want to accept it, my conscience is clear and I know that I’m truly sorry. The forgiveness part is where I struggle. I’ll admit it probably is a shortcoming that I need to work on but (there’s that word again!) when I’ve been betrayed I find it hard to forgive. If I can sincerely apologise and the person can forgive me, why do I find it hard at times to forgive others? Does that make me a bad person? If someone hurt or betrayed you so badly that they in effect ruin your life, how easy would it be to forgive that person? How many of us have said “I don’t have anything to do with that person anymore because…”?
If someone intentionally does something to hurt you then apologises for it would you accept it? Genuine, unintentional mistakes I find easier to forgive, but why should I forgive you if you intentionally hurt me and then follow up the apology with a ‘but’?
Why do women (and men) stay in physical and emotionally abusive relationships? “Oh he/she said they were sorry but they only hit me because….” Hmmmm. I find it odd that we find it so difficult to let go, to be unselfish, to be weak, to be selfless, to let our guards down, to be genuinely sorry without the BUT! One love.