Are men allowed to wear their hearts on their sleeves and express themselves? Are we expected to be what history and society dictates and be the strong hunter-gatherers, go-getters, decisive, firm cave men like creatures from yesteryear who doesn’t show any emotion at all? Guess what? We are not all like that. In fact, there are a lot more emotional men around than we think, ok ladies? I’ve found that men who are quiet, shy, indecisive, sensitive and who aren’t afraid of expressing themselves often get labelled as weak. Are we any less of a man because we do not conform to the social expectations? Are we poor excuses for men?
One thing I have noticed about our emotional man is that he tends to have many female friends and even though he may be attracted to a woman in his social circle, he will never get with her. Why? because he’s been “friend zoned.” He’s become the “brother that I never had and always wanted” kind of man. Forever condemned to a life of solitude and celibacy because he is so ‘nice’. Our emotional nice guy is quite shy. While he is quite talkative when around his female friends, trying to approach a stranger is like running up to an enraged bull, dressed in a postbox red shell suit and slapping it on its arse while shouting and waving frantically…death wish!
The emotional man, now successfully ‘friend zoned’, often gets to be the lucky recipient of a coffee invite to the local café, where his new found ‘sister’ is more than willing to share the short-comings of her relationship. The conversation usually consists of her moaning about how insensitive her partner is. How she can never tell what he’s thinking because he rarely talks to her and is always on the bloody Xbox. He only notices her when he’s hungry or wants sex. They never go out anymore because he’s more interested in going drinking with the lads or going to the football or the gym. He does nothing in the house, even on his days off and still expects her to come home from work and cook him dinner.
At this point the emotional man is thinking, “I’m the total opposite of this guy! Why am I still single?” Due to his natural caring nature, emotional man provides the encouraging words, tissues and reassuring hug that ‘sister’ needs. He’s such a good listener! After the rendezvous, emotional man leaves café in the rain, shoulders hunched thinking “my life is pointless,” as he slowly walks home.
Emotional men rarely get together with strangers. They tend to get introduced by ‘sister’ to one of her mates at a social event. Emotional man gets talking because he has a get out of jail card…other friends around. Let’s say he gets on really well and gets together with new girl. She finds him exceptionally sweet, caring and attentive at first, but sometimes to his detriment, emotional man can get a bit too deep and intense! New girl is feeling smothered and tells emotional man that “It’s not you, it’s me,” and makes a mad dash for the door, never to be seen or heard from again.
Emotional man is thinking, “What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I sustain a relationship? Maybe if I turn into an arse**** and treat women like crap and be loud and vulgar I might get someone. That’s who these women seem to go for. ‘Nice’ guys never get the girl!” Is there a light at the end of his tunnel?
Emotional man or not, there seems to be a few perceived roles and expectations that women have for men in general. I’ve read and heard these from women so I’m not making this up ladies. I hasten to add that I don’t believe that all women subscribe to this point of view. Tell me what you think and what you’re expectations are. This is the man’s ‘Contract of Relationship’:
1. You are never right…ever! You will never win an argument and if you ever start to gain a winning edge, you will get thrown the infamous open palm followed by “whatever!”
2. You must wine and dine your woman, buy her flowers and chocolate, remember the date you got together, her birthday, her mother’s birthday, even her dog’s birthday. There’s an expectation to do something extra special for Valentine’s day….which will be the day you get dumped if you don’t pull your finger out!
3. You must be financially stable. Brownie points if you have your own property and car.
4. You must understand that when a woman says she’s ‘fine’ it means the opposite of when YOU say you’re fine!
5. She’s allowed to flirt with other men, but if you even think about turning your eyeballs let alone your head in the direction of another woman, she will start WWIII and you won’t get any for at least a month!
6. You must be good at DIY and putting together flat pack furniture….curse you IKEA!!
7. You must become their personal chauffeur once the relationship is established.
8. If she is mad at you, you can expect not to get laid for a significant period of time. Depending on the severity of your ‘crime’ you may regain your virginity!
9. You are not allowed to have any expectations of her and you will be grateful for whatever attention you receive and when you’re allowed to go out. You may be slapped, punched, kicked, locked out and this should be understood to be perfectly normal and totally acceptable. You must also be an animal in the bedroom otherwise be labelled a pathetic, useless, sorry excuse for a man….no pressure!
10. If you pee on the toilet seat or leave it up you will burn in hell!
Now ladies, there are two sides to every coin and you need to remember something about us men. We are not women so don’t expect us to think like you, or even understand what or how you are thinking. Please use less sarcasm when communicating with us. We are simple creatures who think in black and white and tend to be logical, literal thinkers. We don’t like mind games….you have been warned!
We do not always like to initiate things. It’s good to feel that our woman wants us too. And contrary to popular belief, men actually view sex as a way to express their love and strengthen the bond between you….we don’t always want to ‘knock one out’. If we say we love you, it doesn’t mean we are weak or that we want something…we mean it. That’s why we might not say it as much. Please do not give us the silent treatment or reject us in the bedroom because you’re angry or constantly have some kind of ailment or constantly tired. It will break the relationship by driving us away from you. Noone likes to be rejected. We also like little gifts and treats. If we are quiet and we say it’s because we are tired, or that we’re fine, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT WE MEAN!!!!!!
OK I’m gonna get off your cases now as I’ve just noticed how long this post is becoming and that I’m sounding like a bitter, woman hating whinger. At the end of the day we love you and we always will, we just expect the same back. Communication is key in any relationship and without this, lack of understanding and physical interaction then you might as well get out now. Tell me your views. Do you agree with me? One love.